


The Depression

by ImagineBeatles



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Depression, M/M, McLennon, Mental Health Issues, also John hits Paul at some point but it's not too bad, just so you know, really it's just very cheesy, this is very gay and cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineBeatles/pseuds/ImagineBeatles
Summary: John is depressed and Paul tries his best to pull him through it.





	The Depression

**Author's Note:**

> Posted back in August of 2012 on my tumblr. Again, I haven't done a thorough spelling/grammar check since then so apologies for any mistakes.

John was lying on his back on his bed when Paul came in. John’s depressed period was coming to an end to everyone’s relieve. Specially Paul’s. He had been the one to deal with it the most. He was glad it was over. He missed his old mate.

But when Paul entered the room he thought all his hard work was done for. John didn’t move or said anything when he entered. Just like before. He only looked straight up to the ceiling. Paul feared the worst.

‘John?’ He asked carefully. John didn’t reply. Paul sighed. Fuck… He thought.

He slowly walked to John’s bed and sat down. He saw John’s eyes were closed. Paul caressed John’s cheek with his fingers. He smiled at him, thinking he was asleep. He bend over and placed a little kiss on John’s forehead. Paul took John’s right hand in his left and caressed it with his thumb. John didn’t do anything. Paul gave him kiss on his nose. John wrinkled it slightly at the contact. He slowly opened his eyes.

‘Paulie? What time is it?’ He asked sleepily. Paul felt tension leave his body. John was fine. It was all fine. Paul smiled at him sheepishly.

‘It’s two o’clock in the afternoon, John. Are you okay?’ Paul said sweetly. John tried to sit up, but failed and fell back with his head in his pillow. John groaned and tried to lie as still as possible. Paul raised an eyebrow.

‘No. I’m not. Everything hurts.’ He said with another groan. Paul chuckled. Now it was John’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

‘What do you think, John. You’ve been working out for most of the day yesterday. Your body isn’t used to that you fool.’ Paul said with a chuckle. John laughed too, but stopped as his body started to hurt again. Paul stroked his cheek lovingly. He felt John relax completely under his touch.

***

'So, how’s he doin’?’ George asked as Paul entered the little living room. Paul looked at the three other people in the room, George, Ringo and Brian. Brian was the reason why Paul had to go and see John. He was getting worried.

‘Alright. I suppose. He was asleep.’ Paul said.

‘So you didn’t talk to him?’ Brian asked. Paul nodded heavily.

‘Yes, I did. He woke up. His body is hurting him a lot. I told him to go back to sleep, so he wouldn’t feel that much of it.’ Paul said. Brian let out a sigh of relieve. George and Ringo just nodded.

‘Thanks Paul. I think I’ll go and have a look. I’ll be right back.’ Brian said and he walked out to John and Paul’s bedroom.

‘Let him sleep, will ya!’ Paul shouted after him. Brian raised a hand to let Paul know he had heard him. Paul sighed and plopped down on the cough. He rubbed his forehead with his hand.

‘Are you alright Paul?’ Ringo asked. Paul looked at him.

‘It didn’t went as well as you told Brian, right?’ Ringo asked carefully. Paul shook his head. He felt tired and hurt.

‘No. I helped him and everything went well, but then something in him snapped again and he… He… He started yelling at me again. Saying he didn’t love me anymore and that I had to fuck off. He said he would be better off without me. And when I tried to help him again he hit me. Hard. John never hit me before.’ Paul said softly. He showed George the bruise on his arm.

‘He never hurt me before. Never like this. Not like this.’ Paul said with pain in his voice. George and Ringo looked full pity at him.

‘Are you okay, Paul. Want me to do something about  that bruise?’ George asked.

‘No. I’m fine. I just want this all to stop. I miss him. He’s not himself. It’s like I’m losing him, you know. He’s never like this. I thought it was all going better again.’ Paul said. The last bit came out with a sigh. George sat down next to him and pulled Paul to him. Paul let him and laid his head on George’s warm shoulder.

‘Oh Paul. You’re not losing him. He’ll be fine. In a couple of days he’ll be his own, annoying, witty, rude self again.’ George said with  a chuckled.

‘But what if he’s not gonna be okay. What if he changes and stays like this forever. I couldn’t handle that. I want my Johnny back.’ Paul nearly whined. Ringo laid a hand on Paul’s knee and caressed it to comfort Paul. Paul felt tears burn behind his eyes. He buried his face in George’s chest as he hugged him closer. George stroked Paul hair and rocked him slightly back and forth. He sussed him in order to calm him down. After a few minutes he felt Paul relax again.

‘He loves you Paul. And you love him. Love conquers everything, Paul. Everything will be fine.’ George said soothingly. Ringo nodded.

‘Yeah. George’s right. It’s not like John wants to stay like this. He doesn’t like this either Paul.’ Ringo said. Paul knew he meant well but it wasn’t what Paul wanted to hear at that moment.

‘Then why does he do it? Why doesn’t he just stop. Why is he still in bed, shouting at everything and everyone? Why does he keep hitting me? Why… Why isn’t he here with me now, telling me he’s sorry? Why is he still doing this to us.’ Paul wailed. He buried his face in the crook of George’s neck and started sobbing. George rocked him back and forth to calm him down while he gave Ringo a warning look.

‘Because John’s confused. He sees only bad things. He wants to see good things. He really does. He just doesn’t know how. But he will. And if we all help him, he’ll only see it faster. He needs time, Paul. Time and help. If we give him that, everything will be okay again. You won’t lose him. You’ll never lose him. He still loves you Paul. He always will. He’s crazy about you. He still is. Even now. Even when he yells at you and hurts you. Even when he says he doesn’t. He does. Don’t ever doubt that Paul. He really cares about you and loves you. He loves you more than anything. You won’t ever lose him.’ George said softly. Paul’s sobbing became less frantic and his grip on George’s body loosened.

‘You really think so?’ Paul asked with a little voice. George held Paul’s chin up so their eyes would meet. He nodded.

‘I’ve never been so certain in my life about anything.’ He said. He gave Paul a loving smile. Paul smiled back and let himself fall back in George’s arms.

‘I just miss him so.’ Paul said softly so only George could hear. George nodded and gave Paul a sweet kiss on the top of his head.

‘I know. I know…’ He said. Ringo watched his two best friends with tears in his eyes.

***

‘John? Are you awake?’ John heard Brian silently ask. John closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He didn’t want to see him. Not after what he’d done. It was almost completely dark in the room. The only source of light was a little candle on his bedside table that lit up his face. Paul had lighted it for him before John had hit him.

John heard the door close but waited a couple of minutes to be sure Brian had really left. Then he opened his eyes. He sat up and looked at his right hand. It was slightly red. John felt so bad for what he had done. Why was he such an idiot. John now understood why people kept leaving him. Why he was alone. Why nobody loved him. He was a stupid, violent, dumb, helpless, good-for-nothing idiot. He would leave himself if he could. NO! He couldn’t think like that anymore. He had to change. This couldn’t continue any longer. Not now Paul was leaving him too. The only person for whom John really cared. His one and only true love. He had to stop this crap and get his life back together. He wanted Paul back. Paulie. Macca. He wanted him back and never lose again. It was over with this shit from now on. He could do this.

***

‘Johnny? I brought you some food.’ Paul said as he entered the room with a tray stuffed with delicious food in his hand. Paul nearly dropped it as he saw John standing in front of the mirror, looking at himself. He was completely dressed. He wore a pair of tight black jeans and a dark blue shirt and a black blazer. His hair was done well. He looked absolutely stunning. John turned around and locked eyes with a stunned Paul McCartney. John had his glasses on his nose with made him even sexier. Paul loved it when he wore his glasses. Paul jaw dropped. John’s eyes fell to the ground.  He sighed. He can’t do it. He couldn’t do it and can’t do it now. Why had he been so stupid. Paul would leave him, everyone would leave him. He’ll be alone for the rest of his life. How could he have been so stupid.

‘Shit… I thought you might like it. Apparently you don’t.’ he said disappointed. He took his glasses of and dropped his head. He sat down on the bed and took his face in his hands. He cursed. Paul snapped back to reality as he heard John whimper. He put the tray with the food on his own bed. 

‘No, no, no… I do like it. I do. You look amazing. You really do look gorgeous. I was just stunned. You look amazing. Please believe me. Don’t cry…’ Paul said soothingly as he hurried himself to John’s bed. He kneeled down in front of him and grabbed both of John’s hands. He pulled them to his lips and kissed them both lovingly a couple of times. John looked down at Paul with tears in his eyes. Paul smiled lovingly at him.

‘You look stunning, Johnny. Never looked better. You’re the most beautiful man I know. Please believe me.’ He almost begged. John shook his head. He didn’t believe it. How could anyone say that and mean it. He was fat and ugly.  

‘You’re only saying that. I look awful. I know I do. I know you think so too. Don’t lie to me, Paul.’ He said. A tear ran down John’s cheek. Paul’s heart broke. John didn’t believe him. Paul moved closer and sat between John’s spread legs. John looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting that Paul could see his weakness. How could he have ever thought he’d be able to do this. Paul held onto John’s hands and wiped the tear on John’s cheek away gently with his finger.

‘I would never lie to you, Johnny. Never.’ He said.

Another tear left John’s eye. Paul whipped that one away too. Paul wiped all of John’s tears away, until he felt a tear run down his own face. Paul removed his finger from John’s face and wiped the tear away. John noticed the lake of touch of his skin and looked at Paul. Paul smiled nervously at him. When Paul’s cheek was dry again he cupped John’s cheek and caressed it with his thumb. John turned his face away again. Paul squeezed in John’s hand and searched with his eyes for John’s.

‘John. John, sweetie. Look at me. Please look at me, Johnny.’ Paul pleaded. John moved his eyes to him. Paul locked eyes with him. His breath stocked. As alive John had seemed only a couple of minutes ago, when he stood in front of that mirror as broken he looks now. Eyes red and wet, dark circles underneath them. Paul massaged them lightly with his fingers. He looked deep into John’s dark eyes. Paul moved closer. John could feel Paul’s breath on his skin. He didn’t move back.

‘I would never lie to you, John. You are the most amazing and beautiful man I’ve ever met. John… Please believe me. I’ll never do you any harm. You know that. I… I love you. I love you, John. I miss you…’ Paul said softly. Now Paul looked down. John kept looking at him. Paul’s grip on his hands loosened and Paul took his hand away from John’s face. Paul felt tears run down his face but didn’t bother to wipe them away.

‘Please come back to me.’ He pleaded softly. He kept quiet after that. John didn’t know what to do. Paul didn’t know what to say.

‘I… I… I love you too, Paulie.’ Paul heard John suddenly say softly. Paul looked up at John hopefully. John looked a bit unsure but managed to smile a weak, but loving smile at Paul. Paul had no idea how to react.

‘I love you, Paul.’ John said louder and more certain, ‘ More than anything in the whole world. I’m sorry I hit you. I truly am. I shouldn’t have done that. I love you.’ John smiled, a happy smile. One Paul hadn’t seen in such a long time. Paul felt more tears run down his face. But this time of happiness. John loved him again. John told him he loved him for the first time in such a long time. John cupped his face and pulled him closer in a hug. Paul didn’t react. John hugged him tightly. When Paul realised John was hugging him Paul started to cry and hold onto John tightly.

‘I’ve missed you John. I love you so much. Please don’t do this to me again. You’ve no idea how hard it was for me. I love you. Oh how much I love you, you bastard.’ Paul cried as he buried his face in the crook of John’s neck. John broke down too.

‘I love you too, you fool. I always have. I love you. I’ll never do this again. I promise. I couldn’t stand myself when I hit you. I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me. ’ He sobbed with a chuckle. Paul chuckled too. John pulled away and wiped the tears of Paul’s face. It didn’t really help since is hands were wet too.

‘I’ll never leave you John. Never. I couldn’t bare living without you by my side. I want you. I need you. I love you. Please stay with me.’ Paul said.

‘I will Paulie. I love you. I’m here. I’ll never leave your side. Everything’s good now.’ John said soothingly. Paul chuckled and nodded.

‘I know. I just can’t believe I have you back. You were so different and mean and…’ Paul started but he was cut off by John’s finger on his lips.

‘Don’t say anything.’ He said softly. Paul nodded. John leaned in. Paul did the same. Their lips met again after such a long time. The fitted so well together. It was like they melted together into one. John licked Paul’s salty lips and tried to taste as much of Paul as possible as he massaged Paul’s lips with his own. Paul moaned and opened his mouth for John’s tongue. John pulled Paul closer and let his tongue slip between Paul’s lips into his mouth. Paul moaned again at the contact he had been waiting for, for so long. Paul could taste John. His John. His Johnny. His love. Paul moved his tongue with John’s in a slow and loving dance. Paul felt how John’s and his tears mangled together as both their faces were still wet with tears. Paul stood up a bit and was careful not to break the kiss. John moved back on the bed and Paul put his knees on both sides next to John on the bed. John pulled him closer as Paul sat down on John’s lap. John wrapped his arms around Paul and made sure there wasn’t a gap between them. Paul tangled his fingers into John’s auburn hair and pulled slightly. He cocked his head a little more to make the kiss even deeper and intense. John made sure there wasn’t a place in Paul’s mouth that wasn’t touched by his tongue. After John had touched every place in Paul’s mouth he pulled away and gasped for air. Paul did the same. John laid down on the bed and Paul laid down on John’s chest, listening to John’s calming heartbeat. John occasionally kissed Paul on the head until both boys fell asleep. Paul tightly wrapped in John’s save arms.

***

‘Hey fellas, look how it is… Johnny is back!’ Paul said enthusiastically. The other two band mates turned around and saw that John was indeed his old self again. Glasses on his nose, hair well done but still a bit messy, nice, sexy clothing, a crooked smile on his face, a sly look in his eyes and an arm around his waist. Paul’s arm. The boys laughed as they saw how energetic Paul was again. Bouncing up and down, making pointless moves. John grinned at him and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

‘Calm down, hon. People might think you’re on drugs or something.’ John said cocky. Paul gave him a little playful push before walking away. John grinned and squeezed Paul’s bum with his hand. Paul jumped up with a shriek.

‘John! You naughty boy!’ He said laughing. John gave him a wink.

‘Only for you, my dear.’ He said in a funny tone before jumping on Paul and pinning him down to the floor. Paul screamed out with joy. John place little kisses all over Paul’s body. Paul was laughing and squirming on the floor. George and Ringo looked at each other. Both men began to laugh loudly.

‘Oh yeah! He’s back already.’ Ringo said laughing.

‘And as crazy as ever.’ George added. He was rewarded with a pillow thrown to his head by John who was now kissing his lover, passionate.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not how you cure depression, I know, but it's adorable. Also, I was 16 when I wrote this.


End file.
